Part 3; The Paradox of Comfort: Why We Crave the Hardship We Don't Have.

workouts, fasting, and denial

The Deliberate Pursuit: Workouts, Fasting, and Denial

If we crave meaningful effort, then the deliberate imposition of challenge in our daily lives becomes a powerful tool. This is where practices like intense workouts, strategic fasting, and conscious denial come into play. They aren't about self-punishment, but about self-mastery and the cultivation of resilience.

• Workouts as Micro-Hardship: Pushing our physical limits in a workout is a controlled form of hardship. It teaches us discipline, the ability to persevere through discomfort, and the profound satisfaction of achieving a physical goal. Each rep, each mile, each challenging pose builds not just muscle, but mental fortitude. The burn in our muscles is a tangible reminder that we are capable of enduring and growing.

• Fasting as a Test of Will: In a world of constant abundance, choosing to fast—whether from food, social media, or other comforts—is an act of deliberate denial. It forces us to confront our impulses, to distinguish between true need and fleeting desire. This practice strengthens our willpower, sharpens our focus, and can lead to a deeper appreciation for the things we often take for granted. It's a powerful way to reclaim agency over our immediate gratification instincts.

• The Power of Denial (and Delayed Gratification): Beyond fasting, conscious denial of immediate pleasures for a greater, long-term reward is a cornerstone of meaningful effort. Saving money for a significant purchase, studying diligently for a challenging exam, or delaying a treat to savor it more fully—these acts build character and demonstrate our capacity for foresight and self-control. The "denial" isn't the goal; the growth and the eventual, more profound "reward" are.

The Sweetness of Earned Reward

The paradox of comfort is resolved when we understand that true reward isn't found in the absence of effort, but in its successful conclusion. The satisfaction derived from overcoming a difficult workout, breaking a fast, or achieving a long-term goal through sustained denial is far richer and more enduring than any comfort passively received. This earned reward validates our struggle, reinforces our capabilities, and fuels our desire for future growth. It's the taste of competence, the feeling of purpose, and the deep knowing that we are actively shaping our best selves.

We live in an age of unprecedented comfort. Food is available on demand, information is instant, and physical toil is largely a choice, not a necessity. Yet, we flock to cinemas to watch stories of profound tragedy, we binge-read accounts of survival and struggle, and we often describe our most fulfilling moments as the ones that nearly broke us.

Do we crave hardship? Do we, in fact, need it?

This paradox suggests that the human spirit might be defined not by the avoidance of struggle, but by the capacity to endure it and emerge stronger. It suggests that a fundamental ingredient is missing from our modern, cushioned lives.

The Missing Ingredient: Meaningful Resistance

The questions you pose point to a psychological void created by relentless efficiency.

Why do we watch tragedy? We don't necessarily crave the pain of hardship, but the meaning it provides. When we watch a hero overcome an impossible struggle, we are engaging in a form of psychological rehearsal. We test our own capacity for resilience, connect with the deepest human emotions, and confirm that suffering can be transcended. It is a vicarious search for depth in a world that often feels shallow.

Is hardship missing in our modern lives? Yes—the necessary kind. We have successfully engineered away many of the daily physical and existential struggles that gave our ancestors a sense of purpose and structure. The result is often what philosophers call an existential vacuum, where comfort is achieved, but fulfillment is not. The absence of external resistance can lead to a kind of psychological atrophy, making us susceptible to feeling directionless.

The Search for Hardship in Prestige: Work as the New Wilderness

If our comfortable homes and communities don't provide the necessary resistance, where do we look? We turn to the modern arena of competitive struggle: our careers.

It is a curious thing that we often seek the most stress-inducing, challenging, and demanding positions. Work, which should offer prestige and stability, becomes a self-imposed crucible. We don't just want a paycheck; we want a proving ground. We seek out projects we're not sure we can complete because overcoming that uncertainty delivers a feeling of competence and purpose that a simple, guaranteed task never could.

The stressors in our work—the tight deadlines, the ambitious goals, the competitive environment—can be seen as an unconscious attempt to replace the lost hardship of the past with a meaningful struggle in the present. We are searching for the mountains to climb, even if those mountains are built of spreadsheets and quarterly reports.

The Power of the Process: Chop Wood, Carry Water

The path to true fulfillment, or eudaimonia (the Greek concept of flourishing or "living well"), isn't found in eliminating struggle, but in dedicating oneself fully to the process.

The Zen proverb "Chop wood, carry water" is the perfect antidote to the modern paradox. It reminds us that enlightenment (or fulfillment) is not a destination achieved after all struggles cease, but a state realized within the continuous, mundane, and often arduous work of daily life.

It's a call to embrace the present task, no matter how simple or difficult, as the path to your best self. The meaning is not in the log pile or the filled bucket; it is in the chopping and the carrying.

The Unknowable Task: Where True Power Lies

Finally, there is immense power in starting a task that we are not sure we can complete.

This is the moment we transition from comfort to growth. Uncertainty forces us to:

1. Engage Fully: There is no autopilot. You must learn, adapt, and invent.

2. Face Fear: You confront the fear of failure, which is a necessary step in building true self-efficacy.

3. Define Yourself: The person who finishes the uncertain task is fundamentally different from the person who started it.

This is the essential function of hardship. It is not the goal, but the forge. The craving we feel for struggle, for the tragic, and for the overwhelming task, is simply the human soul’s deep-seated need for growth.

We don't truly need hardship, but we desperately need meaningful effort—the kind of resistance that allows us to find our power, feel our competence, and ultimately, flourish.

coach nige, BREATHE, 2025